Point of Order!

Want to know how to alienate a whole political party, shoot yourself in the foot, and ensure you're never taken seriously again?  Want to know how to irreparably damage your candidate's campaign and practically ensure that people will have such a bad taste in their mouths that they'd never even CONSIDER what he has to say?  Here--let me tell you how in ten easy steps:

1. Stage a pary take-over attempt!  Get organized and get your family and friends--many of whom have never had ANY previous involvement--and go play rEVOLution!  Make them think your candidate is the only hope for the country, and explain that those who disagree are a bunch of "RINO'S" and "establishment Republicans" who need to be replaced.

2. Infiltrate!  Get these people out to meetings and into positions as quickly as possible, but teach them not to arouse suspicion.  In fact, have someone spend time with us (if he can stand to be around us that long) and "learn our culture".  Have him watch how our ladies dress and even what campaign buttons they wear so he can tell your brand new recruits (most of whom haven't had enough involvement to know which end is up, let alone how we act) how to dress and act so they can fit in.  Then, if you REALLY want to shoot yourself in the foot,  be stupid enough to publicly state on your Internet site that that is precisely what you're doing. 

3. Come to our meetings and try to take over.  Since most of your people will have absolutely no clue on God's green earth what they're doing, you'll have to think for them, but that's all the better!  Have them register with you to get their marching orders, then just send text messages and briefs telling them how to vote on, well, EVERYTHING!  If you can vote as a monolith, you can try to push practically ANYTHING through--no matter how laughable or absurd it is--and like mindless robots, your lackeys will be your automatic support team.  After all, they won't know anything other than what you've told them.

4. Now--make it easy for your people to go the the convention.  Do whatever you have to do, but get them there.  Rent the area across the hall and set up a DAY CARE, if necessary, so husbands and wives can both be delegates.  Gracious, PAY them if you have to!  After all, those convention fees constitute"pay to play" (which is SO unfair)--and they may be reluctant to come if they have to pay their own money.

5. Now, REALLY USE that voting power to obstruct, delay, and disrupt everything under the sun.  In fact, you should have minions literally parked at the microphone so they can jump up and protest everything that goes on.  Even if nothing is even remotely out of line, someone should still stand up and annouce "Point of Order!" , and keep delaying and disrupting the entire convention, hoping people will get so tired of it that they'll eventually just get up and walk out.  Everything that is said, done, or commented upon should be protested and interrupted by all means possible. Then if your side loses a vote (any vote at all), IMMEDIATELY demand a roll call vote.  Do this even if you so obviously don't have a majority that anybody with the sense God gave a goose would be embarrassed to do so.  Then, when the chair becomes testy, scream about Robert's Rules of Order at the top of your lungs, accuse him of "not following the rules"--and get all of your lackeys to vote with you to try to have him replaced.  Let your childish nature dictate your whims and have fun with this!

6. Be outrageous and make public fools out of yourselves.  If anybody DARES to insinuate that someone else is winning the primary, no matter WHO it is--even it's the governor of the STATE--start chorus of BOO'S, try to shout that person down, and even have your people start chanting.  Be as raucous and disrespectful as possible, after all, you're making an impression!

7. Remember, all is fair in love and war.  Therefore, the normal boundaries of ethics and decency no longer apply.  So, if your state is one of those nasty "apportionment states", don't worry about it, even if your guy so resoundingly lost the primary that he doesn't have a single delegate vote!  Just get your delegates to the convention, no matter how you have to get them there.  Yeah, I know about that silly affidavit they have to sign, giving their word under oath that they'll vote at the National Convention ONLY for the candidates who legitimately won votes in the primary.  But (heh-heh), really the laws in Florida don't apply to something signed in Oklahoma (do they?)--and apparently, neither does the fact that you gave your word.  In fact, state party rules, and EVEN STATE LAW are all just pieces of paper.

8. Protest everything, even the adjournment of the convention.  If the convention runs over time and they have to vacate, play that to your advantage!  That way, you can then claim mistreatment and persecution.  If the employees are coming out and dividing the halls for another event, so much the better!   That way, when the chairman takes an adjournment vote, you can scream a the top of your lungs that there are people on the other side of the dividers voting "no"! 

9. When all is lost and you've failed at your game of rEVOLution, go out to the parking lot in front of the building and play "convention" with the rest of the children.  Really make a school-yard spectacle out of it, and try to ignore the grow-ups laughing at how ridiculous you look.  Why, you can even "seat" someone to pretend to be a chairman, play like you're approving a slate of delegates, and put silly videos up all over the Internet where you claim yours was the "real" convention (since the actual convention was so badly "mishandled", and you were all so badly "mistreated").  Have fun!

10. Finally, make TOTAL public idiots of yourselves by threatening lawsuits to get your way.  Let's face it--you've already cooked your goose with all of the active participants in the party--you'll never be taken seriously again.  But a lot of Republicans weren't at that convention and didn't witness how brazenly outrageous and how childishly stupid you looked.  So do it up really good now by compounding your infamy.  You need to let EVERY REPUBLICAN IN THIS STATE know how you acted at the convention, and what you're truly all about.  After all, WE will.